We’ve got less than six weeks to go, and the countdown is on. With this raging September heat we’ve been having in southern California (I’m over the 90s okay?!), I am really hoping this baby decides to make an appearance sooner rather than later.
In fact, I’m often asked: “You ready for this baby?” And my first thought is, yeah, get this thing outta me! I am falling apart at the seams, I can barely breathe when I’m sitting at my desk at work, I wake up at least three times a night to pee, and while I wouldn’t call those kicks to the ribs painful, they’re certainly not comfortable. In fact, there are times I really feel like this kid is trying to punch its way outta me, a la Alien-style.
So yes I’m ready to have this baby in that I’m ready to be done with being pregnant and will be so happy to go back to normal–you know, like putting underwear on the regular way and not having to go to the bathroom every time I stand up. However, when I truly think about am I ready for this baby, then of course it’s a resounding no.
The nursery isn’t done–although we’ve made a lot of progress–Eric still needs to build a closet (right now it’s just a square hole), we still need hardware for the dresser, the crib 
needs bedding, and the plantation shutters won’t be here until the week before the baby is due, but hey it’s coming along!
But above and beyond the basic–I am scared shitless about becoming a mom. This is it, guys. For the rest of my life, I will be someone’s mom. There is no going back. Once I have this kid, I’m stuck with it for life.
There are a few fears that I have, and I’ve decided to dissect them and analyze them here. Feel free to share your input if you have experience in the kid-arena.
What if I don’t like this baby?
I know that instinct tells me I will love this baby no matter what, but I think secretly all parents believe that their child will be the culmination of both parents’ bestest most positive traits.
But what if it’s the opposite? What if this baby inherits our worst traits instead? And we’re stuck with this demonic sucky-personality ill-tempered ill-behaved brat? I mean, do parents ever truly understand that you are taking on a huge risk by inviting someone into your family forever for-eh-ver that you’ve never even met?!
I got to choose spending the rest of my life with Eric, but now together we’ve made this human being and they will be a part of our family forever, and well, what if we don’t like them?!
Screwing Up Your Baby
What if we give birth to the next Charles Manson? I bet whoever Charles Manson’s mother was did not ever expect that her little baby would grow up to the be devil incarnate. How do we keep our baby from becoming the next axe murderer?
Which leads me to more questions, like “Are murderers born or raised?” And besides raising a murderer, how do we ensure that our child won’t need years of therapy down the line? I still hold it over my mother’s head that she gave me a boy-haircut when I was younger and I spent years being traumatized every time I was asked whether I was a boy or a girl.
What if we have an Ugly Baby?
I know most babies are ugly when they’re born but sometimes…babies stay ugly. There are times where people will post photos of their kids on Facebook, and I’ll be like “wow, if my baby looked like that, I wouldn’t be sharing those photos…” Sometimes, they’re just not photogenic you know?
Losing Your Life
When you become pregnant, everyone is quick to tell you how miserable you will be after you have a baby. “Make sure to (insert every activity you enjoy doing here)–you’ll never be able to do it again once the baby comes!” It’s like misery loves company, and everyone who has ever become a parent loves to initiate you into the club of miserable parenting while telling you that it’s the best thing ever. “Oh you’ll never sleep again, but it will be SO worth it!”
I don’t know guys… I just don’t know….
It’s too late to go back now, but these next six weeks, it’s like do or die time…
9 comments
I totally feared that I’d get tired of parenting…like not that I might not love the baby but when I babysat sometimes I felt like the babies or kids got annoying. I’m shocked that I don’t have that feeling with my 8 month old. I assumed I’d love my baby but I’m often overwhelmed just how much I love him. It is really unbelievable. I didn’t feel that day 1. I had this expectation I was supposed to have a certain feeling the minute I held him. Now, I give myself some slack…that 7 pound bugger was out and the love and bond came when it came. At this point, I’m so in love with him and all over again seeing my husband be a dad.
I hate the “you’ll never again….” it’s the worst thing to say to somebody. You’ll do whatever you want if you keep trying to. I was sleep deprived for a while but I learned to try to nap once a day, and then now babe slept 8pm – 9am this past Sunday morning! crazy! You’ll go on dates if you try/find a babysitter/trust your family to babysit/trade babysitting with friends/etc. You’ll go to movies, or you’ll wear heals, or watch law & order marathons well past your bedtime, or whatever it is you do- if you keep trying to do it. I’ve worked hard to keep blogging and keep reading novels because I want to, and that’s what makes me feel like me.
You got this. It is overwhelming but amazing.
I’m due November 11 with our second son, so I think our timelines are pretty similar. I am also hoping for a cute baby. Our first son was the cutest baby ever, seriously. I just don’t know how this baby can possibly be that cute.
Someone once told me that parenthood is like having your heart walk around outside of your body. I think that is an accurate description of how it feels. So yes, it is true, you will never be the same again.
As to the Charles Manson concerns, apparently his mother once sold him for a pitcher of beer. That is pretty extreme. So I wouldn’t worry about that. People do not become sociopaths in a vacuum.
I’m right there with you! I’m due at the end of October (10/30) and I’m in that weird no-man’s-land of super impatient and “holy hell I’m not sure I’m ready for this yet.” For someone like me for whom so many facets of my life are structured on routine, and structure, this whole baby thing is throwing me for such a loop, especially with 4 weeks to go. I’m constantly in the “will he come early?” “if he comes late will I lose my mind?” and am having people constantly ask me how much longer! Ahhhh!
My baby is 1 month old today.
1. Being pregnant sucked for me. I was barfing for 5 months. Then I had all sorts of the hip, back, and pubic pain. I was at the chiropractor once a week. I was also terrified of giving birth.
2. We were doing a remodel on our home and were living at my in-laws house. The house was supposed to be move-in ready 5 days before the baby was due. Too bad our child decided to come out 2 weeks early!! So, we had our newborn come home to my in-laws house. While it’s great to have family around, adjusting to being a mom and caring for my newborn was not something I wanted to do with an audience while living out of my brother in-laws childhood bedroom.
3. Breastfeeding is not for everyone. I really tried. Good god it really hurt me. I’m really sad about it but the baby is healthy and gaining weight on formula and a little bit of pumped milk. Don’t let people pressure you.
4. The moment they hand you your baby when he/she comes out, it is SO surreal. Holy crap! I’m a mom! Oh my god, I made this tiny human. Oh my god, THIS IS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE! Even though I think she looks like a little monkey, she’s the cutest little monkey I’ve ever seen. I asked people when they say oh you have such a pretty baby. I wonder if they are just being nice? I can’t tell if I think my baby is cute because she’s part me/part my husband you know?
5. As for screwing up the baby – I had some issues with breastfeeding and had to google some stuff at 3am a bunch of times. It really seems like at this stage, you can’t screw much up. A lot of people say it’s trial and error. Not everything works the same for each baby.
6. I hate when people tell me to sleep when the baby is sleeping. Um okay? You know, I still need to pay my bills. I still need to eat some food, shower once in a while, do some laundry etc. It’s impossible. But hang in there. I’m trying to… 🙂
Anyway – good luck! It’s a whirlwind for sure. I’m only at the 1 month mark and I’m still in a daze. Congrats!
I can totally relate to you! I hated being pregnant! I was always sick and uncomfortable! I used to roll my eyes when people would say oh i loved being pregnant! I was told the same things oh your life will never be the same. At first it was extremely tough for me! I suffered bad with post partum depression with my oldest and really had a tough time. With my second my post partum depression wasn’t as bad but was there. The best advice I can give you is your life will change. Yes you can’t do certain things you are used to doing but now you will have a new normal and trust me you will love it in time. Do not be afraid to say how you are truly feeling in fear that someone will judge you. You will be a great Mom!!
For a woman, nothing in this world matter but being a mother. So, keep strong through pregnancy because I’m sure you will fall in love at the first time see your baby right after the baby born. After all, I must congratulate you.!
Totally valid fears, but hasn’t it been drilled into your head enough? It’s SO worth it!!! Like a lot of things in life it’s a leap of faith. Wishing the best for you two as you begin this new journey together.
It’s mother’s extinct that whatever your baby look is you’d accept it wholeheartedly because it’s a blessing and it’s become part of your life. There’s attachment. Good luck on your pregnancy.
Ok first the bad news, you’re need to pee every time you stand up MAY not go away. In fact, you may also leak a little each time you cough, sneeze or laugh. Those muscles take a beating!!! That’s something nobody ever warned about. Thought you should know.
On all the other things you’re afraid of, that’s exactly what motherhood feels like. Moments of pure joy and elation peppered with utter fear that you’re screwing the whole thing up! So you are already doing great!!!
I look at pics of my oldest during her first 8 weeks and I crack up at how much of an alien she looked like! At the time she was the most beautiful child ever born. I saw not one flaw. Now, she really is absolutely stunning (if I do say so myself!) but I can see she was really funny looking!!! They go through phases where they look amazing and then awkward. Just think over your annual school pics.
All this to say, all that you are feeling is totally normal. It’s how your mind and body are preparing for the big changes in life that are coming up. There will be changes but they will be all worth it.