I was having a discussion with a longtime friend who was visiting from out of town, over the cost of having kids.
My friend was adamant that anyone who chooses to have kids is destined to be broke while raising them.
Whereas I argued that just because you had kids didn’t mean you would live a meager existence and wouldn’t be able to do anything.
My friend and I come from very different lifestyles. While we both attended the same private high school, I was definitely aware that I was that scholarship minority kid there to fill a quota and make the school feel diversified (I’m pretty sure I was the only Mexican in my class…), whereas my friend came from a family of doctors and was raised by au pairs.
So to put it into context—upper middle class vs. ‘almost’ middle class.
And I wonder if our vastly different upbringings has something to do with our vastly different outlooks on how much money you really need to raise children.
We’re all aware of that floating statistic that it costs $241,080 to raise a kid for 18 years—but does that mean you’re really destined to be broke because you choose to have kids?
My parents raised three kids and while I was aware that money was tight at times, I never grew up feeling that we were “broke” by any means. However, if you compare my friend’s upbringing to mine, I’m sure she would define mine as “broke” because my family couldn’t afford to do all the things her family did and didn’t have the lifestyle her family did.
In order to pay for my private high school’s $27,000 annual tuition —even with a scholarship that paid about 85% of it—my family drove a minivan that was falling apart at the seams because we couldn’t afford a car payment and tuition. In comparison, a good chunk of the kids at my school got brand new Mercedes SUVs for their 16th birthday. I wish I were joking.
My upbringing didn’t involve ski trips or annual vacations to Europe, but for all intents and purposes, I felt very well taken care of. I always had clothes, I always had food, and I always had a huge family for entertainment purposes.
Do I think Eric and I could have more money if we chose not to have kids? Of course.
But I don’t think it means we’re destined to be broke just because we choose to have kids. I think my friend’s definition of “broke” and our definition of “broke” are two very, very different things.
I think it’s definitely a financial sacrifice to have children, but I also hope it will be a very rewarding one.
What do you think?
21 comments
I am with you on this. I don’t have children yet but i feel that I wont be always broke if I choose to have kids. I grew up similar to you. We never had fancy cars or yearly trips to overseas. My parents idea of a vacation was a caravan park near the beach and that was some of the greatest times in my life. I never felt like I grew up poor. I had food, clothing, shelter and santa always came on Christmas. I have a large extended family which always made for good play times as a child. My parents raised three children on one income and I feel that my childhood was great. My parents taught us all the value of a dollar and I never felt more grown up and proud the day I bought my own car with my own money. Mummy and Daddy never got me one. I cherished and took care of that car cause of how hard I worked to get it. Whereas my friends who had their car bought for them I found they had wrecked it within a year of getting it. I think many people automatically think its becoming poor to have kids because of the change needed and people thinking life will be the same after the change. Being prepared (even a little bit) is better than nothing
I am with you. I grew up “poor” by many standards, but I never felt that way. I always had food, clothing, and shelter. I always felt loved. It wasn’t until I got to high school and college that I really realized just how poor we were growing up, and I think part of that was going to a private college and seeing the excess those kids had. Like you, we never took far off family vacations for pleasure (sometimes to visit our family in other states, but that’s about it) or drove fancy cars, but I had a great childhood. It’s all about perspective.
I agree with you totally. We’re having twins next year and I don’t plan on buying them a ton of things. I will be working from home so no daycare and it’ll be expensive to add them to the insurance but we’re prepared for it and cutting out other things.
We have two kids, age 2 and 4. Yeah, they’re expensive…but totally worth it! There are plenty of ways to cut down on costs. The most expensive things are the ones that you don’t have much control over, like daycare and health insurance.
I think most people just make it work. I obviously do not speak from experience but that’s what it seems like. That being said, I’m glad I don’t want kids… just to save a few bucks. 🙂 lol!
I grew up a lot like you did. I don’t feel like we went without. Of course you would have more money if you didn’t have kids. We would all have more money if we drove the same car since high school or didn’t get a dog. I think it is all a matter of perspective. I don’t think it means you are going to be dirt poor though either:)
We WERE totally broke growing up, but I still had a wonderful childhood. My parents divorced when I was seven and my mum raised all three of us on her own (we visited my dad a few times a year since he was in the Navy and stationed elsewhere) and did her very best to provide us with what we needed. She also taught us the value of hard work and earning the things we want.
My mum worked for the school district so she had summers off with us and our “vacations” consisted of road trips to California to visit family. We would camp along the way or sometimes stay in a Motel 6 or something. Some of my best memories come from those trips.
It really is all about where your priorities are. I agree with Jessica’s comment – children need the essentials (food, shelter, love, etc) and the rest is just extra. And if you make wise spending/saving decisions, then you can live pretty comfortably even with kids.
I think unless you’re super rich, the first few years of a kid’s life are almost always going to be a financial struggle, because of the extra costs of that age and the cost of child care. That said, I mean, it is what it is! Everyone gets through the lean years and the costs level off once those babes are walking and talking.
And I totally agree that it doesn’t cost an arm and a leg to raise a kid. Around here, I’d say the absolute highest cost is child care (which is bananas) or, if you go a different route, the loss of a second income if one parent stays home, but beyond that? What do kids *really* need?
I think if someone claims that kids are a financial burden, they’re probably not in the right mindset to have children.
Congrats on the pregnancy! You are gonna make a great mother! And I’m sure you won’t be broke.
Here’s a good series from recent new parents: http://www.ourfreakingbudget.com/category/baby-money/
Kids cost what you spend on them. If you are frugal in general, you’ll find a way to do that with parenting as well. I nursed both my kids and made their baby food. Neither was particularly difficult. Also, you don’t really need most of the STUFF marketed to new parents. My husband was a lower enlisted soldier when my first child was born, and we got by just fine. I stayed home, though, so daycare was not an issue, but I was home already because we had just moved so it wasn’t a cut in income, either. The rewards are definitely worth the sacrifice, but aside from perhaps insurance, you control how much of a sacrifice you have to make.
A child is definitely an expense, but the rewards of having one (or however many) outweigh the sacrifice. It definitely changes your perspective. We put her needs above our own so while daycare is $$, we also don’t go out and waste money on (as many) trivial wants for ourselves. It is all about reallocating money and making some slight adjustments. We definitely don’t feel broke, but we are aware that we don’t have as much “extra” money that we would if we were childless. However, I wouldn’t change it for the world.
The costs definitely concern me, but I think I can only relate it to being a “broke” college student or recent grad. At those times I may have felt the financial pinch but I made choices and figured out how the money would work. I think it is about using what you have and prioritizing. I don’t envision that I’d have brand new everything for babies but to me that doesn’t make it a sacrifice. To me I view it like everything else, people spend money their own ways even if they have the very same amount as somebody else.
There are many people who don’t have kids and are almost broke, because of a series of bad decisions. What’s their excuse? 😀
We’re getting ready for our baby and, while it does cost us quite a bit already, I don’t think we’ll be broke. We both work, we save, don’t waste money on junk. It will be more costly than being just the 2 of us, but in no way I see this as becoming broke.
I have a six year old daughter, I married at the very young age but ever since I didn’t think that I was broke because I have a daughter now. She is in grade one and studying in a private school. It depends on the parents how they will budget and of course the lifestyle.
I don’t understand why she thinks you are destined to be broke when you have kids if she came from a well off family and (I’m assuming but perhaps incorrectly) that she is doing well herself? She certainly didn’t grow up broke right? Anyways, sometimes I feel broke now so I only imagine how it would be with kids. I agree with you that “broke” is a very subjective term though. Does broke mean you can’t pay bills? Does it mean you can’t afford to go to Europe? Does it mean you can’t afford lessons? Does it means you don’t get to buy designer shoes? Or shop at all? I guess it just depends upon what broke means to you. Maybe forgoing shopping to pay for your kids piano lessons makes one feel broke and another may see it as shifting priorities.
A child needs food, clothing, shelter, a school to go to and health insurance of course lots of love too. All those vacations, gifts, private-schools etc are extra so I agree you guys have different definitions of “broke” lol.
It’s not $281,080/year – that’s the cost for the full 18 years! You just made my pregnant heart drop. hahahaha
Hahahah! That made my heart drop too!
I fixed it! Sorry for that!
The statistic is shocking, but actually doesn’t mention the money you save by having children. Parents tend to go out less, spend less on dining, etc and some receive child benefit thereby improving a part of their income.
I agree that having kids doesn’t mean that you have to be broke. You just have to plan your finances even better!!
I quit my job after becoming a mom, my husband doesn’t make tons of money, we’re trying to get out of debt, and I still don’t feel broke! We’re spending less money now but we honestly just don’t want to buy that much. Parenthood changes your perspective.