I’m being taken over by baby buzz. It’s everywhere I go click on the internet.
It’s a little known rule that if you establish yourself as a newlywed blog, you’ll eventually be expected to produce babies. I didn’t think of this until it was too late–but I mean, really? First comes love, then comes marriage…I should have known.
The problem is even though you know you’re not ready, and you know there’s still a lot on your baby bucket list before you even start trying to preheat your oven, you sense the baby mania…on twitter, on the blogs, in friendships. And it makes you wonder, question your decision, because darn it, sometimes babies can be just so freakin’ cute!
Luckily, I remind myself how much I still love sleep and that “craving a baby” feeling disappears in 0.2 seconds flat. But still, sometimes I have to wonder…
Between Eric and I, we have two married couple friends. TWO. That’s it. And between those two, one of them is 5 months along, and the other is trying. Maybe we need new friends?
And if MODG –which stands for “Martinis or Diaper Genies?” –couldn’t escape the baby boom, perhaps there is no luck for me. Girl of the Grove? She’s preggers, too.
Finally, when I thought I just couldn’t handle any more of this baby talk, I came across this post on Twitter. Are you ready for a baby or not?
Ahhhhh, a list. I love lists. And this is a checklist. Even better.
Signs You’re Ready…
Your Finances are Rock Solid obviously this is definitely a no. We live in a shack, and are currently in another $200 for 10 days spending fast, which needs to cover gas, food and our dog’s grooming. Oh and did I mention one of us will be out of work for four months starting in late August?
You Have a Support System We’ve got my parents, his parents, my aunt, my grandma, cousins, my brothers…all within a 20-minute radius of us. I think we’re covered.
You’re Ready to Sacrifice “Me Time” No, no, no! I don’t want to!
You Can Deal with Discord I do not like discord. I don’t even like it when Eric can’t put his dirty clothes in the hamper, can you imagine a toddler who won’t put his toys away? No, thank you!
You’ve Got Questions The other day I googled “How much pee can my bladder hold?” Does that count?
Signs You’re Not…
You Both Put Work First Well at this point yeah. What else are we supposed to do? Put each other first? Puh-leaze.
You Still Crave Freedom I love it
You Feel the Pressure I don’t actually feel pressure to have babies. My MIL is already a grandma, and my parents–at ages 47 and 49, respectively–are in no rush to become grandparents. But I do sense the baby craze that happens on newlywed blogs.
You Want a Baby Band-Aid Eric and I don’t have any serious problems that we need a baby to fix. A bottle of tequila works just fine.
You’re Not on the Same Page I read on a blog (sorry, don’t remember which one) about how she can’t even talk about babies with her hubby. I thought that was really sad. I’m really glad that Eric and I are very open about when we want to have babies and that both our timelines have at least a few more years before that’s even a possibility.
So there you have it. Two checked off on the “Ready” list and three checked off on the “Not Ready” List. I guess this means I’m not ready? I don’t know, math is confusing. For now, I’ll take it!
Now I need to get working on that baby bucket list.
How do you feel about babies?
26 comments
I have the same thoughts, and I’m fairly young, always wanted to be a young mom. Closer to my kid… But as I get I my next age I don’t feel that age, my friends married, three had babies, and I feel next in line. Thanks for this,
I know I’m definitely not ready! But I got baby fever too lol
This is a great list! This is such a personal choice for each couple to make, but I commend you for not doing anything precipitously. I know waaaay too many couples that had children in lieu of fixing relationship problems. xoxo
You’re thinking 100% right! Don’t rush it! You have your whole young life to make babies, but once you have a baby you’ll never be alone with your husband. My hubby and I waited 8 years of our marriage to decide it was time for kids, and I think it was the best decision ever. We are now ready ( though I don’t know if it’s possbily to be 100% ready for a baby) and are also prepared, because contrary to popular belief, making babies shouldn’t a careless deed but one of thought and preparation.
Good luck on the baby bucket list! 🙂
I LOVE that baby bucket list idea! As for when it’s the “right” time to start making babies, I think (and I’m sure you agree) that it’s different for everyone! I do understand that weird pressure we feel when everyone around us seems to be doing it, though. Just in the past three days, I’ve had no fewer than 15 people ask me when we’re going to start having kids (probably because we’ve been bragging about finishing my school loans, and that’s item #1 on my yet-to-be-written baby bucket list).
You’ll know when you’re ready. My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years (married for almost 1). For us, it just felt right to try shortly after marriage.
Girrlllllllllll I loved this post! I am so with you. Ahhh gorgeous nurseries on blogs, cute videos…they all make my ovaries ache. But, I know I’m just not quite there yet…..!
Thanks for this!
xoxo
Cat@BudgetBlonde
1) just found your blog
2) love it
3) I’m on the same page with you!
There are so many people having babies right now- and that is in real world, let alone blogland! I have 348,760,482 reasons why not to have kids. (Even though I get paid to work with kids… maybe that is especially because)
Love the check list, we are for sure no where near ready, but sometimes we both wonder! Our goal as of now, another 5-7 years. Then we’ll think about it! 😉
Nearly all my friends and co-workers have recently procreated, are pregnant, or talking about it. I am single as hell. It makes for an interesting conundrum. I have like two friends that aren’t married/procreating. I think you’ll know when you’re ready. And is anyone really ever “ready”? I don’t think so.
With the exception of blogger friends a good majority of my real life friends are well past the baby making stage which means this newlywed couple thankfully doesn’t get any of the “So, when are you going to have a baby?” nonsense.
We want a baby…bad. And we’ve been trying…sort of. But I’m significantly overweight (and yet my doctor says I am healthy and my periods are normal…go figure) and our finances are pretty much in the crapper (working on it).
But at 30 and 43 (44 in July) respectively, we kind of feel like the clock is ticking. Granted my husband doesn’t mind if he ends up being 45-47 when he becomes a dad but he would prefer it happened sooner rather than later.
There’s a part of me that still says, “Nuh uh. You’re freaking nuts” while a larger part of me says it’s time to have a mini-me or two roaming around. Finally have Mr. Right instead of Mr. Mama’s Boy Who Can’t Figure Out What He Wants.
It’ll just have to be whenever Mother Nature decides to bless the hubs and I. She’s testing my patience and probably because she knows patience and I don’t have a great relationship.
Yep, already feeling the pressure of babies after our recent marriage, but it’s definitely not in the works for a couple of years. Must resist cute babies!!!
I’m so glad to find someone who feels the same way I do! I’m in the exact same situation, and even though I don’t want a baby right now, since I’m a newlywed it’s getting very confusing. Love this checklist!
By the way, favorite line of that post:
“First comes love, then comes marriage…I should have known.”
🙂
Ahh, babies… RUN!!!
My boyfriend already has a child. She is four and I think she is plenty for us right now. I’d like to be married for a few years before having a baby. I used to say married for five years but now I don’t feel as sure about that and think I will likely want a baby sooner than that. There are things I feel I need to accomplish before I have a baby (stable finances and job) and others that are more flexible (years of marriage, apt vs house). I think the best thing for me is to take it one day at a time and keep the discussion open.
I’m glad you’re being so honest with yourself about this. It’s hard when everyone on the internet has a cute baby or a cute baby belly. But some of us just aren’t ready – even if you’re in a great relationship! Although I don’t think there’s a good time, financially, to have a baby for most of us average folk, I think that there will come a point when you want the baby so bad, you’ll MAKE IT WORK. It’s okay to not be at that point yet. 🙂
Agree w/ Mysti, no one is ever ready. To be financially rock solid, I want way more in the bank than I can possibly have by the end of fertileness (I’m 30. Wait, 31. damn! Time to get on my horse!). And so…I don’t think anyone is every ready.
It’s like the movie Idiocracy – the responsible people wait so long for kids that when they’re ready, they’re 70 years old. So the idiots breed early and thus take over the world.
I love babies…but I’m definitely not ready to have any any time soon. Even if I were to meet someone and get married in the near future, I can’t imagine that would change. I would like to graduate from grad school and get into my career before thinking about having a child. I know some things can’t be planned, but for now, I’m pretty content with where I’m at in my life. Perhaps one day I’ll have a child, but for now, I’m gonna focus on me.
Sometimes I want a baby.
Most time I don’t!
At least not yet. I know so many people with kids and most of them I dont know how they do it. Honestly. Full time grad students and all.
We are a few years away and preparing our selves to be infertile. That seems to be going around too!
~ Celina
I’m at the point of wanting, yet actively waiting. It’s just not time yet.
Then there’s that time each month, right before I am supposed to start a new pack of BC where I think… what if I don’t?
And then I freak out at the thought of starting a family too soon and it’s obvious what I need to do… start the new pack!
uuugggghhh…babies. Where do I start? Dude and I have been married for just about 2 years, and our view on children has always been ‘meh, not particularly interested.’ We aren’t the type who declared we’d NEVER have kids (because shit happens), but we were always pretty firmly in the ‘not planning to have kids’ camp.
But I’ve been thinking, thinking, thinking a lot over the course of the past year or so, opening myself up to the idea in ways I was never willing to before. And I’ve been reading, reading, reading and asking a million questions, trying to get my head around the idea of parenthood and how I feel about it in the context of Dude and I’s life.
I’m nearly 33 (and Dude 38) and unlike you, we have A LOT of married friends and loads of them have kids. Kids I genuinely enjoy spending time with, and more and more, I find myself WANTING that for myself and Dude. But I am still SO fearful of the ways in which our lives will absolutely have to change. Sleeping in is of course on that list, a long with dozens of other things.
So…we’ve been talking about it. Not a lot, but for a long time – nearly a year now. I don’t want to be the wife who’s in her husband’s face about babies every other day, but I don’t want to tip-toe around the subject either.
At this point, I’d say I’m 70% in favor of having a child, and 30% against, and Dude is 30% in favor and 70% against.
We’ve been married for 3 months and are definitely feeling the “pressure”. We just want to enjoy being MARRIED for a little while…date nights, fun trips, etc. If an “ooops” happens before we’re actively trying we’d be over the moon excited, but I see nothing wrong with being selfish for another year or more. We’re only newlyweds once but we’d be parents for the rest of our lives.
we are right on the edge of the “we are trying” world… not really trying right now (not tracking my temp to tell when I’m ovulating or anything) but not trying.. our finances are good, and I’m told you’ll never feel “ready” financially and that you’ll just figure it out. I hope so! I’m almost 30 1/2 yrs old, so I am feeling the baby craze.. I’d like to have babies while my body is healthy and somewhat young. 🙂 I think it helps that we have about 24 married couple friends, and about half of those have babies, are pregnant, or are trying… it’s a conspiracy!!! If you aren’t ready, that is totally fine.. but you will make cute babies when you are ready! 🙂
That’s a great checklist! I am so not ready either…few more years I think I will be. I love my sleep, I love my me time, I love my freedom. Call if selfish or call it the truth, it is what it is, right? 😉 For now, I focus on being a good auntie! You have plenty of time anyway, so I say enjoy the blissful life you have now 🙂
🙂 I saw that article and thought it was kind of funny!
To me, signs I’m ready include-you can handle being around the terrible twos, sassy middle schoolers and grumpy hormonal teenagers and you are still open to the possibility of having kids.
You’re willing to give up all your “fun” stuff, like shopping, vacations, me time, hobbies, etc. (Not saying you have to give up everything to have kids, but depending on how many kids you have and potential things that could veer from how you had planned, sometimes the “fun” stuff can get thrown out the window!)
You’re ready to embrace all things diapers, boppies, breast pumps and onsies. This one isn’t too hard though, all the clothes and shoes are adorable!
Signs I’m not ready would include-lots of debt, no place to put the baby, reliant on two incomes, still need a lot of “me time”, health isn’t top notch.
We are kind of taking a middle of the road approach now. If it happens, it was meant to be but we’re not going to obsess over when its going to happen or why isn’t it happening for awhile. Too many other fun things to do than worry our lives away!
I love the idea of a baby bucket list. But I can’t even create a regular bucket list, so I have a feeling I would fail at that as well. As for the checklist, it’s clear I’m not ready for babies. I’m entirely too selfish and not ready to devote my entire life to someone else who can’t even tell me what they want when they cry! Then again, as Mysti said, I don’t know that we’re truly ever ready, or “changed”. I wonder if the baby changes you and you actually have very little to do with it!
I don’t think you are ever TRULY ready to have a baby. The myriad of ways having a baby changes your life are really hard to comprehend until you actually have a bundle of job. I do think there are certain things that would be good to have checked off the list before you start….such as education (aka, fireman school!). I graduated with my Master’s Degree, and was 9 weeks prego with twins.
Finances…while it is great to be all set….most people aren’t. Having a game plan is a great start.
Me time….yeah…that goes out the window for a while. Hopefully you have a partner that can step in when you are teetering on the edge.
Help….nice to have, but not a requirement. We did it without having any family around, and we had special needs twins.
The biggest reason to have a baby….you and your partner just can’t picture your lives anymore without one and you want to share your live and love with them.
The rest works itself out.